Vulnerability

Secrets and hard to talk about stuff being swept under the rug was common practice in my family. The uncomfortable tsunami that comes with the truth always made sensitive issues difficult waters to tread. Asian shame is a real thing and it also contributed to the silence. Add in the fact that I was always an introverted minority in every social setting I found myself in, being honest about the internal war that was ensuing within was a foreign concept.

I never allowed myself the freedom to be vulnerable.

And, because, putting on a coarse exterior was somewhat expected, I never developed the backbone to stand firm in the face of emotional adversity. I never knew how to process pain and hurt. I never knew how to embrace depression and anxiety. I didn’t know how to move forward.

The result? A mid-life implosion that has left emotional shrapnel stuck in the sides of my everything.

Being vulnerable usually leaves us open to harm. The other side, however, is the ability to open one’s self to a trusted community. Keeping myself at an emotional distance did more damage than good; which eventually led me down a path of unhealthy mental habits that resulted in depression, anxiety, and suicidal tug-of-war matches.

I put up fronts when I need to tear down the façades that I was creating. I bulked up my fists when I needed to open up my palms toward communal embrace. I turned my back on support when I needed to run toward help.

In this week’s episode of the “Breathe: Faith and Creativity” Podcast, Rachel Hall speaks about the power of vulnerability and the ability to create healthy rhythms from our transparency.

Click HERE to catch her episode and be encouraged.

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Painting Bipolar Disorder Away

Depression, mental illness, bipolar disorder, and the healing that comes through painting.

The second episode of the season drops this Monday (June 10th) and we cover some pretty deep topics in the area of mental health. We talk to a local sojourner and learner of life who has recently seen God in a better light to that of his childhood upbringing.

And, because of the heavy nature of our upcoming episode, as someone who has struggled with depression and suicide, I want to take this opportunity to encourage you to reach out. Talk to someone. Don’t be afraid to find a trusted individual so that you can talk through your mental health.

In fact, you can even email me at info@derrickengoy.us if you need someone to talk to.

Click the above image to catch this Monday’s episode, as well as, other episodes of the “Breathe: Faith and Creativity” Podcast.